Why “Just Do It” Doesn’t Work for Everyone
We hear people in the food and fitness world who focus very much on discipline and how we just need to stop doing what we are doing and start doing what is good for us. I have seen so many people do the impossible and exceed their own and others’ expectations of them!
For some of us, a good motivational speech is what we need to jump up and reach our goals. But, sometimes that just isn’t enough. So many people set out to reach their health and fitness goals, but when the motivation fades they fall short and are back into a cycle they hate.
I see this over and over as a mental health and fitness professional. Some people can’t “just change.” For many of us, we must look deeper. Many times our underlying, deeper needs are not being met, and we continue to search for something to fulfill these needs. Our self-discipline fails where we are lacking necessary ingredients for growth. This can be due to trauma, negative thoughts, lack of social support and connection or many other reasons.
A plant has need for sunlight, water and good soil. If it does not get those ingredients, it begins to die. Try as we may, we cannot grow without many necessary ingredients in our lives.
Some of our deepest basic needs are love, connection and attachment. As infants, if we were not provided for these basic needs, we can develop difficulty in bonding emotionally to others.
When our tank is full of love and connection, we are provided with the strength and love we need to grow and thrive. When we ignore these needs or lack awareness of them, we can become isolated and filled with anger, anxiety, panic, depression and loneliness. We can try to fill that void because we are longing for something to make us feel better. Who wouldn’t? We search to fill our true need for connection and love with counterfeit options, such as work, food, sex, extreme exercise, drugs, alcohol, shopping, accomplishments, etc.
As you recognize your needs and realize you cannot meet them in your own strength, you will be able to begin to reach out and ask for help from God and from safe, caring people. You will stop asking food to fill a role it wasn’t meant to fill. You will be able to sustain a healthy balance of exercise and self-discipline. The byproduct will be your goals being reached in the process!
I have always been amazed at how this is so true for people with whom I have worked. We are more than just surface-level beings who are trying to lose weight or look better. We are complex, and it is important to understand why we aren’t able to control parts of our lives. It can teach us so much when we begin to peel off the cover, look deeper, and are willing to try another way.
If you have been struggling with self-discipline, it can be helpful to be open to looking at what is the deeper need you are trying to fill. Pushing harder in our own strength only takes us as far as our internal character will allow us to go. We need to become aware of our needs and take care of them, which sometimes requires asking for help from others.
If you aren’t sure how to assess your own needs, stay tuned! I’ll be sharing more about that in the next blog!