How Do I Know What I Need?

Part of healthy living is learning to set boundaries with ourselves and others. The first step is to obtain awareness of our own emotional, physical and spiritual needs. Sometimes, in order to become aware, we must slow down and pay attention to our physical or emotional parts. As we begin to understand and accept what we notice, learn and feel, we will begin to open ourselves up to understanding what the next steps are towards healing. Once we realize what we feel, we will be able to understand what we need with more clarity.

What we need can come in many forms - love, nurturing, acceptance, trusting relationships, rest, movement, healthy and wholesome food, discipline, laughter, a community, a slower pace of life, and the list goes on.

This is part of what helps us heal and grow. One way to think about it is that, just like we need proper physical nourishment to grow and heal, we also need spiritual and emotional nourishment to grow. If our bodies are sick physically, they need medical attention. Our emotional and spiritual parts are often neglected. Many of us have been taught to “toughen up,” “my feelings don’t matter,” or other negative beliefs. It’s so important to recognize our feelings and emotions in order to connect on a deep level to help ourselves get the comfort, understanding, protection and wisdom that we need to heal and grow.

Spending the time to understand our feelings and know our needs will truly save time, relationships, energy, money and agony. When we try to fill deeper emotional or spiritual needs with counterfeit options they will always leave us searching for more.

Here are some ways I recommend for becoming in touch with your feelings or internal state:

• spending time in nature

• disconnecting from electronics

• prayer and/or meditation

• journaling

• working with a counselor

• talking with a caring friend

• exercise

Once you’re more aware of your specific needs, here are some things I’ve found helpful in having those needs met:

• Engage in a caring, confidential group who is focused on recovery. They should not hold judgment, but should be for you on your healing journey. Check out life recovery groups at NewLife.

• Engage in counseling.

• Connect with 1-3 trustworthy friends, and share your experiences.

• Join an exercise group.

• Read How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich for further understanding on feelings and needs.

The road to healing isn’t a one-size-fits-all path, and it takes time and hard work. We all have to start somewhere, and I hope the methods above prove to be helpful in your journey to better understanding and caring for yourself.